I didn’t sign up for a solo
When I joined the choir, I had no intention of singing a solo. All my life, I had dreamt of singing a duet; the one between a husband and a wife. Everything I wanted for my future included a two-parent family with lots of children. Actually, I wanted 10 kids, all boys. The idea of parenting solo was never even a possibility in my mind.
A Duet takes two people
Singing a duet takes both vocalists doing their parts both individually and together. Each has to work hard on their own part and then put the two parts together. If one is running off in another direction and not staying focused on the song, it simply does not work. What is supposed to sound beautiful together, becomes a blaring horn.
Though I was working hard on my individual part, my singing partner was distracted by the other singers. After 25 years of trying to make the performance work, the curtain call came. Forcing someone to stay faithful to their role cannot be done. It has to come from their own desires.
Not everyone understands the solo
After accepting my new assignment, my heart was in complete turmoil. I had to learn the new song and that was not an easy task. This was a very difficult arrangement and I did not have the skills yet. With no guidance on how to put together this new piece, I tried on my own. A solo is solo; someone singing alone and that is exactly how I felt. Alone! Wading through the muck of sadness, loneliness and fear, I tried to blog. My thoughts were that blogging would help others see how painful divorce can be and be more open to helping when they learn of someone walking that same path. Each blog showed my path from fear and pain, to healing in the Lord.
But raw is sometimes too raw too eat
I prefer my steak medium well. If there is any red blood, I’m completely done with it. For others, they like their meat still mooing. My blog was so raw that it was actually too raw for my friends, especially those who knew me as a duet. My solo act was hard for them to understand. Accepting that my singing partner was actually a manipulative song writer creating his own narcissistic version was difficult for my friends. So, when I received some bullying about the blog, I easily dropped it.
Even a solo needs help
Regardless of the fact that I was now singing a solo, I still needed some training. Changes in life often require learning new skills. Becoming a solo parent meant that I had to acquire some new abilities to do life alone. If I could give one major encouragement or advice to a new soloist, it would be to depend completely on the Lord.
I know that sounds like a trite saying with hollow meaning. But I’m talking about real in-depth dependence on Him.
When the child support ended and I had to figure out how to sing a new song, solo, my world felt like it would end. I had not worked much out of the home. My calling was to home school my specials. How was I to do that as a solo? Then, there was the problem of a home. Without support, I could not afford the nice house, land and horse. Where would we live?
Long story somewhat short, the answer was the Lord. He provided a great job to keep me at home. The Lord directed me to a home I could afford. Only by depending on Him and learning to hear His voice, was I able to accomplish all that I have so far. Each day takes a great deal of determination to keep going. You can do this! That is my motto. I can do all things. But it is only THROUGH Christ that I am strong enough to do it.
Though I’d rather be singing a beautifully harmonized duet with Christ as the director, my current performance is solo. Some days, my song sounds ugly to me. Other days, I think maybe it might not sound too bad. But every day, I practice. I practice and I practice, and I practice in hopes that others will hear my song and be blessed.
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