What to Expect in Menopause

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The time has come to think about menopause; more like meno-what is happening to me! Growing up, I had heard of this season of life when I was younger but had no real idea of what it really meant. Remember that book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”? That book was filled with all the gory details of pregnancy and child birth. (actually I never made it to the child birth portion, which is probably why I had no idea that women poop when they give birth) I’m wondering, where is the “What to Expect in Menopause”? Apparently, there are way more ugly details to this menopause thing than I ever knew.


The only thing I knew about menopause going in was to expect hot flashes and mood swings. As I entered into my late forties, my thoughts were that I could handle a little sweat. Maybe it would help me lose a few pounds. So, when things started changing in my body recently, I was shocked to discover that they were related to menopause.

The Ladies are Sensitive during menopause!

When I became pregnant with my two biological children, my chest was the first signal. My ladies hurt so badly that I had to wear a bra in the shower with my daughter. Hormones! They were through the roof when I was pregnant. Well girls, surprisingly this can occur during menopause as well. I want to walk around with my arms across my chest all day. Even sleeping is uncomfortable with these ta-tas aching. Someone should have prepared me!

So, I googled symptoms of Menopause

According to my google search there are like a bazillion different things that can happen during menopause. Vaginal dryness, headaches, joint pain, tongue burning, and gum problems are all on the list. Like what? No one told me my tongue may feel like it is on fire and it would all be a normal phase of life. This goes way beyond sweating off a few extra pounds. I was in no way prepared for my whole body to go into freak out overload.

How dry can your skin be during menopause?

Use all the lotions!

Lately, I have been drinking my weight in water trying to hydrate my desert skin. For real, I could probably use my hands as sandpaper. Apparently, there is no possible way of getting enough moisture into my body during this menopause season of life. And the itching from the dry skin… it is making my skin blotchy.

The only accomplishment in drinking water like an inebriated teenager is that I spend lots of quality time on my porcelain mama throne. You know, the one where all your royal subjects come to get advice on where to find things and life issues while you void? For real, why is it that they have dire issues while mom is in the bathroom?  Ugh! Oops, there I go getting irritated.

Warning cranky woman experiencing menopause

So, I have always been a tad cranky which makes this area a bit easy to navigate. My ‘tude has always been a spiritual battle for me so thankfully, I am already skilled up on how to manage this area, but it is still on a bit of overload.

Menopausal sadness is taking over

I think the area of biggest surprise has been my mood swings. Navigating the sadness has been a challenge. One moment I’m happily playing puzzles with my two-year-old and another I’m crying because I am playing puzzles with my two-year-old. Get yourself together Girl! Though I haven’t gone too extreme on this one and had a big, mama meltdown, the possibility is there. It seems that my emotions have run off like a rebellious teenager and do not care what I have to say. I’m hoping they will find their way back home like the prodigal child ready to face real life. Hopefully though, they have not done too much damage while they are off on their own.

Advice for women in Menopause

Prepare ye the way! That is my advice. If I had the time, I’d write a what to expect book for menopause unveiling the ugly truth about this mama-has-gone-loony stage. Perhaps I could write a children’s book as well that prepares kids for all the changes. Since I have a zoo at my home and work as a solo mama, those books will have to wait. So you are left to your own google searches for now, but type away in the search engines. You will be shocked to see what all can happen; however, you will be more equipped for the psycho season of life that is coming your way. May the odds be ever in your favor!

I’m going to go put on a sports bra, drink a gallon of water, lather on lotion and eat some dark chocolate; that is if I can remember where I hid the chocolate. Oh yea, memory loss! I forgot to even mention that evil addition. I legit have no idea where anything is located in my house anymore.

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3 thoughts on “What to Expect in Menopause

  1. Ha ha! This is great! In my google research I found that they officially say you’ve gone through menopause when you haven’t had a period for 12 months. Happened to me at 40, along with hot flashes, mood swings, and some of the other stuff you mentioned. Fun times. :-/

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