I was in my bedroom trying to get a nap when the call came. “Will you take newborn twins?”
I had not been a foster parent for very long. In fact, I had only had 2 very short-term placements. The first one had me feeling like a failure as I called DCS to tell them I was overwhelmed. The second was an infant who was quickly placed with his grandmother and other sibling.
This call was the one that changed my life forever. After a delay in Twin A’s release from the hospital, I took him home at three days old. Day one was the most difficult as his little body twitched from the drug withdrawal. As I held him, I could not imagine why a mother would do this to a child, but I also realized that she would never fully understand her choices because I was the one feeling his body tremble and not her.
Six days after their birth, I picked up Twin B who was finally released from NICU. She looked so swollen and sad, but my heart was immediately imprisoned. I would never be able to un-love them. I would never be able to imagine my life without them.
The next several months would bring bigger trials than I ever imagined. Each day brought new questions. Though the parents were not doing well or complying with services, reunification was still the primary goal. My heart could hardly handle the emotions.
At one point, I stood in my shower and begged God to give me a sign that they would not return to the parents who had continually shown that they were not a safe option. Within a week I had been given the verse Matthew 7:7-11. “Which of you if his son asks for bread would give him a stone?”
Bread! Ok, Lord, I prayed, if they are to stay, then give me free bread. Then one day I went into my kitchen to see two loaves of bread. After interrogating the household, I discovered that it was FREE bread. What a wonderful God to have given me not only free bread, but TWO LOAVES, one for each baby.
Despite having my assurance from the Lord, the days to follow were still tough. Eventually the end did come and they were adopted at 18 months old. Watching that judge sign the papers gave me the same feeling I had when my biological children were finally born.
The struggles definitely did not end that day; they just changed. Children who have been exposed to trauma, even in the womb, face incredible challenges. These two have attended more therapy appointments than I can possible remember. She has had tremendous medical challenges including seizures. When I considered fostering, knowing I wanted to adopt, I knew there would be additional challenges. If fostering to adopt is on your heart, I encourage you to pray intently on what challenges He will equip in you.